i miss..

i miss: acjc. singing in the void deck. getting glared at by other students who are trying to study. alex complaining that we took too long to decide songs and that his back hurt. arguing over the fine line between classic/oversung. studying until ten. walking around the track at night looking at the stars. talking our hearts out. crying at the bleachers. sectionals. star wars theme songs. rehearsals. kkmc. NL1. stoning during gp. recess in the canteen. yong tau foo. geog lectures with mr lynn. the glass room. grinding glass. listening to power 98. slaving overnight to finish prep work. wiping glass. painting display units. hokkien techno. 248D pasir panjang road. fruit salad. movie marathons. feeling that exhilarating rush.

i miss: my best friends. studying for o levels. getting distracted. watching tv and eating any trash we could salvage from my cupboard. cooking spaghetti. pounding chicken fillets because we didn't buy ground meat. eating pizza. over-eating pizza. smuggling food into mrs sushilla's class. mushroom cheese. abraham's promise. scolding juniors for cutting the queue. eating orange bowl. drinking ice tea. searching for hindi ringtones for uncle mobeen. prom shopping. dress-making. haircuts. phone calls. sleepovers. watching silly chinese shows. eating noodles and guo tie at the shanghai stall. walking to the food centre. feeling so so stressed, but with the people who mattered.

i miss: ootgr. bright red choir uniforms. staying back after choir and sitting in the canteen. ribena and seaweed chicken. the "bian tai" western stall uncle who always opened late. yuanzhen laughing about everything. changing the words of "candle on the water". making gold stars. "i pray we'll get a gold." michelle screaming on the phone with her mother. crying jags. "forever in love". "best in me". seeing the young ones chasing birds. flamingo uniforms. rushing under tables to duck the cat high choir guys who were coming down the stairs. screams. "datang dari empat penjuru...". our own private dock in australia. alto sectionals. beating the floor with the drumstick. separating wanjing and ah boy. jas eng sitting beside the metal cupboard and turning red from laughing. feeling young and full of hope.

i miss: misc. meeting on sundays [or was it saturdays] above citylink. getting stared at by street dancers and skaters. singing the same stupid carols over and over and over and over and over and over again. spending almost everyday of the christmas holiday together. losing our voices, and then getting them back again. eating lasagna at the expat's house. singing the tenor part. heh. reaching low Cs. watching treasure island. making esplanade our second home. buying snacks from seven-eleven. teasing each other. lying around doing nothing most of the time. basking in our unproductivity. learning songs last minute and hopefully getting them somewhat right. clement and his face screwed up as he goes "..are their tones!" feeling careless and carefree.

i miss: plmc. backup practices. rugrat shouting at everyone. watching luke play the drums. trying to harmonise and then laughing at ourselves when we couldn't. arguing about attire and formal shirts. great P&W sessions. funky five. moshing. walking qing and pam home. eating nasi lemak. eating katong laksa. eating prata. batch barbeques. sitting on the pseudo beach singing random songs. luke beatboxing. listening to punk rock. jamming. sum 41 concerts. feeling immortal.

i miss: being nine. recording silly songs and trying to sell them to our aunties for a mere five cents more than what the blank cassette cost. playing with paper dolls and designing their dresses. spats with the cousins. barbies. polly pocket. snowy. lea. pretending our dolls had gone to school by chucking them in the cupboard. making our own "albums" and taking pictures to stick on the cover. theme hospital. sim park. pizza tycoon. walking over to st. nicks to see the baby crocs. the bread uncle in his little khaki-coloured van. what we regarded then as an amazing selection of cakes. watching power rangers. pretending to be kimberly. making up songs about captain planet. watching channel eight serials and memorising the opening songs. feeling sheltered.

so many memories. but they're not enough.

i'm not ready to grow up.

p/s: spending time with my cousins really makes me sentimental.

gong hee fatt choy, everybody.

happy chinese new year, folks!!

you know how it's often perceived bad luck to owe other people stuff when chinese new year rolls around? well.. to ward off bad luck i'm listing down the things i owe people.. a pathetic effort, considering the SMALL, TINY, MINISCULE likelihood that i'll ever find all these people to return the things to, or even find the things i'm supposed to return.. but hopefully God will see my efforts and decide to reassure me that chinese new year superstitions aren't really real by sending me lots of good luck!! HAHAHA! haha.. ha. haha. heh heh.. uh.. heh. hmm.

well, i have to forewarn people who don't really know me to refrain from being too shocked by the sheer number of things owed, and people who really know me to refrain from sighing and clapping their hands to their forehead and shaking their heads in resignation.. i WILL RETURN YOUR STUFF. i promise.

okay. sooooo.. i owe:

gina: one white t-shirt, one yellow acjc t-shirt, one full set of gilmore girls' season four vcds, one full set of american juniors vcds and various other small, somewhat unimportant things that i have yet to return but cannot remember.
jamie: various coloured pens and highlighters. and a birthday present.
bert: one stevie wonder cd.
ju: one book entitled "Cherished" by Elizabeth Thornton that i never really read.
sihui: one dark blue highlighter, that i wouldn't really remember i borrowed if it weren't labeled "sihui".
dawn: one acjc drama t-shirt and one pair of brown shorts.
terence: one pair of grey checked shorts.
cheryl: one pair of olive green bermudas.
toshi: one set of japanese vcds which name i have forgotten.
my mother: my life, and one purple t-shirt.
my dad: an innumerable amount of money taken in little amounts of five and ten cent coins since i was four, from his bedside.
pam: a japanese comic which name i have forgotten, but is the number "three" in the series.
diona: a polly pocket set, and if i'm not wrong, a pair of tights that i borrowed in primary three. i'm hoping it hasn't been taken as a rag and used to clean windows yet.
luke: an outing. :o)
darcy: a couple of edited chapters.
shannon: a big apology.
siska: her alto-senior present which is STILL lying in my room fully wrapped.
josephine: her birthday present from three years ago which i promised i would get her but eventually forgot.
carmelita: a book which name i have also forgotten, but is lying in my bookcase somewhere.
my chinese tuition teacher: a chinese novel named "ai de chuan shuo", which, despite its cheesy name, was a brilliant read and very, very moving.
floppy: his precious, precious scissors. heh.
nenest: as of now, a great big hug, one black nike jacket, one khaki jacket, my sanity, and a pair of sunglasses that i can ASSURE YOU, is still around somewhere.

if you, and your stuff, are not mentioned in the above list, feel free to tag your complaints!

i will RETURN THESE ITEMS or die trying!

someday.

random entry.

again, i am sitting at home because my mother decided she has no use for me in the clinic today.. and of course, ernest is working and driving later at night, and my three best pals appear to be too busy or disinclined to venture beyond their front door, so i am, yet again, stuck at home with my adorable rat of a sister. who, by the by, cannot stop complaining about how these "stupid irritating girls in her class" were "crying over" some argument over the games stall vs. food stall dilemma.

oh the beauty of a simple, secondary one life in st nicks.

went for a colonoscopy yesterday, which was quite an experience. i never quite knew it was regarded as a form of surgery, and my hatred for needles has, btw, returned with a vengeance. it's fairly intimidating, being ordered into this oversized blue robe. [which doesn't at ALL cover your back, btw.] of course, decency is crucial in a hospital filled with poor elderly folk who could easily get a stroke at seeing such a horrendous sight, and you are given this even LARGER blue robe to cover yourself. after which, you are escorted to this little room with lots of beeping machines and tv screens and trays and [can you imagine the horror!] needles. they make you lie down on this tiny little bed, if you can actually term it as a bed, and then the anaesthetist sticks a needle in your wrist. then, he holds up this amazingly, startlingly, impossibly big syringe full of white stuff, and then he tells you, "you'll feel like you're flying.", which is, not exactly a comforting thought, actually. and of course, the next thing you know you're being pushed along a corridor in that same little bed, and then moved onto your ward bed, and you fall asleep again, only to wake up two hours later feeling like you got hit by a bus.

of course, i have to be the luckiest scope patient on earth, having my mommy hold my hand while my daddy puts a needle in my arm, and the endoscopy nurses, very astutely, reminded me of that while i was lamenting the size of the needle in question. and of course, i am probably the only person to ever get a dozen gerberas for a half a day's stay in hospital.

he's the best.

but well, just in case anyone was curious, i do not have colorectal.. whatever, and i am evidently not going to die at the tender age of twenty-two, despite recurring dreams to the contrary. i have, as my mother puts it, a rather severe case of cramping of the intestines, which, despite sounding rather disgusting, is actually curable by medication. apparently, my innards are twisted into several knots.

stress signs.

HA.

stress.

me!

ha!

seriously.

i left my heart in fran-san-cisco.

hello all! i'm in my lovable ernest's house, and while he's occupying himself with looking for fiona xie's picture in his st. hilda's yearbook, i am entertaining myself by blogging about him doing just that.

who can say my life isn't fulfilling?

i left my heart in fran-san-cisco;

high on a hill it calls to me.

to be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars.

the morning fog may chill the air, i don't care.

my love waits there in san francisco,

above the blue and windy sea,

when i come home to you,

san francisco,

your golden sun will shine for me.

i love you baby.

no, i won't write what you just said because it's so cheesy.

but i love you.

my new new year's resolutions.

better late than never, aye?

1) to love the unlovable. [as in people, yes.]
2) to reach the unreachable. [as in people, again, yes.]
3) to pass my driving test at one sitting.
4) to lose seven kg.
5) to reduce my book expenditure per month to below a hundred dollars.
6) to finish writing what i began writing.
7) to read Swann's Way at least once from cover to cover without falling asleep in the process.
8) to do bible study every night without fail.
9) to salvage the remnants of what i call a room before it turns into a complete and utter sty.
10) to finally be able to sleep without every light in the room turned on.
11) to spend less on my phone bill.
12) to take the bus.

and finally, to have complete conviction to keep to the aforementioned resolutions, and to make certain that i keep my heart, mind and soul prayerful and reliant on the Father as i go about the year.

may God bless the year, and everyone who lives to enjoy it!

damnation.

the weirdest thing about work is that while you're working, time actually passes really fast. and then you get the amazing feeling like you've actually done something productive during the day.

except you haven't really done anything but type a couple of documents and answer telephone calls and chuck a couple of pills into a little plastic bag.

work is thus, termable [if termable is, in actual fact, a word] as deceptively hard. by this, i mean that it fools people into thinking that you're actually doing something infinitely difficult and extremely adult and thus by this it means you are growing up and learning new things and being very productive, when actually, you really haven't learnt anything that you haven't already known since you were in kindergarten. pick up the phone. put this into that bag. form complete sentences. and while you are preoccupied with the joy that you're growing up so fast and learning so many new things, your brain gradually disintegrates into nothingness, and you truly forget whatever you've learnt in school.

the good thing about being employed by your mom is, she doesn't actually need you to be there.

in fact, in an almost sad, pathetic kind of way, you are like her own personal charity case. no matter how hard you work, you are still, rather evidently, hideously overpaid. the fellow staff, of course, cannot truly b**** about you, because, well, word might get to you, the prissy daughter of the boss, and they might all get themselves fired. [not that my mom would actually lay off anybody for my sake. it's highly more probable that i would be sent home to wallow in self-pity.] thus the situation eliminates all forms of office politics, and you are completely freed from any need for artifice and interpersonal duplicity. which is actually a very good thing, considering i probably wouldn't be able to pull that off. you are also provided lunch, right at your desk-step, and from company coupons so you don't have to pay for ANYTHING.

in a sense, it's like being back at kindergarten, except you're getting paid for it, you don't have to do ci zi, and the bigger kids can't chase you around the playground and put sand in your pinafore.

but what was my point? ahh. yes. she doesn't need you.

therefore, if you betray even the smallest hint of a flu, she tells you to stay home and happily traipses off to work by herself. leaving you quite effectively stranded with nothing to do. but of course, the good thing is you get to stay home and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and.. ahhh. but well, considering i've slept quite enough and already made my bed... what can i possibly do now?

*whistles

my life is really much, much more fulfilling than it sounds, i assure you.